Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
