every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
