I puked a lego.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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