Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize