Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
