Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
