it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
