i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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