It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
