Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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