My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
