I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
