I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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