my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The best revenge is premature balding
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
