Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
