every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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