She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
