he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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