i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
