Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
