Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Sponge bath it is.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The adults are the big ones right?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
