Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
