my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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