We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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