just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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