Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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