Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
