Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
