We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
