dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We are two peas in an std pod
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
