I need help removing her.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
