so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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