Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
