no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
