youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
