my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
