he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
