Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Drake has all the answers
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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