Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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