He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
