i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
