That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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