I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
