I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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