I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
