I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
