The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
