I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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