You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
