The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize