There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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