I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
