Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
