Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
