The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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