Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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