dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
