I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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