i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
