"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
