my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think i have herpe
just one?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
