wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
