how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize