I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize