I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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