a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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