The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
