Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize