you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
