I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
