Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
